Three Lessons From Anthony Bourdain's Biography "Lost In Paradise" - E340

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(01:23) Jeremy Au:

I recently got to listen to the audio book Down and Out in Paradise: The Life of Anthony Bourdain by Charles Leerhsen, which was published in 2022. This is an unauthorized biography of Anthony Bourdain. He was an American celebrity chef, author, and travel documentarian. He wrote the bestselling book, Kitchen Confidential: Adventures in a Culinary Underbelly. He did multiple food tours, A Cooks Tour, No Reservations, and Parts Unknown. And I remember that iconic episode where he sits down in Vietnam and eats pho with Obama. And I think that's very much a moment where I kind of like, was an amazing, inspiring story that combined a lot of my personal interests, which are like travel, food, as well as the human story of the people in these countries. He was a hero for so many people, a celebrity, and he seemed to be living the perfect life. And yet in 2018, he committed suicide while filming for Parts Unknown, his travel documentary in France. And so, there's always been that gap between this public identity of being this all star, as well as how he eventually ended his life. There's that gap between what we see of him from the outside versus what he was apparently experiencing on the inside.

So here are the three things I learned from this biography, and I really encourage you to check out the book for yourself.

(02:40) Jeremy Au:

The first thing that I learned is that success takes time. When I first encountered him, he's already a celebrity, a superstar. Everybody knew about his name. I would see his articles and be in the press and he'd be on TV. But he was not a great cook. He was somebody who started out from the bottom as an apprentice and there were multiple times where people just didn't feel like he was an all star cook. They felt like he was a cook who was organized and had some management skills. He was also someone that had been fired. He prided himself on being a cook who could manage the kitchen well, but he didn't see himself as an-all star cook, which is funny because there's something in my head that was, if he's a critique and chef, he's obviously an all star cook if you wrote Kitchen Confidential. But he was not.

What was interesting for me was that he always had that dynamic of wanting to be a writer, and he kept writing. When the kitchen was empty, he would write fiction. At home, he would write fiction. And so this was something that he kept writing and he would go for classes, he would talk to people about it. And a lot of his early writing wasn't great and a lot of his fiction was not well received by critics and they were not bestsellers in any dimension. What was interesting to me was that his first lucky break, how he eventually rose to stardom was that he decided to try non-fiction. And so he wrote a very short article, his first ever, called Kitchen Confidential. He did this at the age of 43. He had submitted this article to a publication, which did not run with it. After some radio silence, his mother, who had previously worked in the publishing industry in New York, eventually help pass his writing.

Now, what's interesting is that the editor of The New Yorker obviously gets many referrals, but when he read this article called "Don't Eat Before Reading This", he really enjoyed it. And so he decided to run this in The New Yorker and it became a viral sensation at the time with TV stations and onlookers coming out and checking out his kitchen where he was a head chef. This article would eventually form the foundation of the book "Kitchen Confidential".

Only at this age of 43, then does this first taste of success come in. Then he starts writing the book. And then he basically decides that to do that author tour to do research for another book. And then they said to add a video camera to the same tour get two for one. And then they realized at some level that it's not just about writing, but also it's about the art of storytelling. It just kept going and that's how the snowballing of that skill set wasn't just about writing, wasn't just about cooking, but also about enjoying food, being part of the industry, and the human narrative. Frankly, I found this inspiring to hear somebody who wasn't succeeding for many years, but obviously having a decent lifestyle and career by having all those skills that were all in bits and pieces and all the ingredients were there, but reassembled in a different way, a different recipe and allowing him to finally crack and be successful at 43, and then snowball that and have that hockey shape in terms of success. That's inspiring for people who in their twenties or in their thirties like me because it gives us hope that no matter what age you are is a function of self-discovery and exploration and experimentation until something works.

(05:43) Jeremy Au:

The second thing I learned was about the dynamic of being a public success and a private failure. This is a phrase that's always resonated with me from my mentors about not being somebody so caught up in a public exterior, but making sure that you also take care of your private world as well. Anthony hated his job. Days before he took his life, he messaged his divorced wife Ottavia. He wrote, I hate my fans too. I hate being famous. I hate my job. I'm lonely and living in constant uncertainty. That's so sad. The world thinks that he has a dream job, but he doesn't feel the same. He thinks it's a torture because he is traveling around the world. He is lonely. He is disconnected from his family. He's divorced from his wife that he does love. He has a daughter that he doesn't get to see. He's in love with someone who doesn't love him back. He is someone who is just living this "dream life", an inspirational figure for so many folks. This information, this internal context of his history is a missing context that made the world be so confused when he committed suicide. It really makes me reflect on the fact that there's so many celebrities in our world that are also very inspirational. At the end of the day, everyone's human and with their mistakes, as well as their inspirational moments. Seeing the whole of them is something that only close people get to see. And so, this makes me reflect a lot on my own dynamics, which is how do I focus not just on my career and my public orientation, but also on my private life to make sure that I'm focusing and investing in the right things, because I would rather be a public failure and a private success rather than a public success and a private failure.

(07:19) Jeremy Au:

The third thing I learned was that relationships matter. He was married once to his childhood sweetheart. They got divorced and then he got remarried to Ottavia. He was very happy. He had a kid with her and then they eventually got divorced. And then he was in love with somebody who didn't love him back after that.

So, relationships really matter, but the big factor for why he lost it was because of his success that required him to be in the public eye, but to also travel a lot, not be able to have the same rooting in the local community to be able to spend personal, in person time with the people that he loved and loved him back. Now, once I say that, it seems so obvious. If you're watching this person travel the world, eating food with strangers all around the world, you're like, "Wow, what an amazing dream job", because you get to travel and do all those things. And then you're like, duh, of course, if you're traveling around the world, you don't get to spend time with your daughter, or go to your church or spiritual institution, or hang out with family, or have a good night's rest in your own bed.

It's obvious once you say it out loud, but because of the screen you just forget that. And I forgot that. So what happened was that, because he was someone that was disconnected from his local community and support networks, because of this travel, he returned to old habits: prostitution, alcohol and drugs to fill the void. This reminds me of some of the recent findings regarding drug addiction for mice. Historically, mice studies would show that cocaine and other hard drugs were addictive for mice. Rodents would basically have a choice between normal water or water with cocaine, and they would always prefer the water that have been spiked with drugs. Scientists recently discovered that a big part of this is because these mice are stuck in cages, that have nothing interesting to do. And so all they have to do is walk around, run around a little bit, and then they have a choice of drug water or normal water. So these scientists put together a highly stimulating environment full of learning opportunities, lots of exploration, learning, hidden treats, and also a lot of socialization with other mice. It turns out these mice who are intellectually and socially challenged and stimulated ended up not wanting cocaine. It's not to say that drugs are not addictive. They are. It's just that deprivation creates that space and opportunity for drugs to take a role.

So what I took away from this is that relationships matter, family matters, investing in friends who like you and want the best for you and that you like them and that you want the best for them. It's not a luxury. It's not optional. It's the daily moment of our lives, right? We're all going to die one day and we might as well live life full of the relationships that really matter.

In conclusion, the three things I learned from the book was that one, success takes time. You can have your lucky break at the age of 43. The second thing I learned was about public success and private failure and how it's important to invest in your private world. It's also important to look at people who are public successes and to see them for humans rather than just heroes. Lastly, relationships matter because our life is filled with moments and the best moments of our lives often are with the people that we love.